Long Road Home

 It's been awhile since starting this blog and then not writing in it since. I guess it's a slow start. Life as a widow is hard. Life as a newly retired widow is even harder. I am struggling to find my way. The hardest part of getting older to me is the loss we experience. Not just the loss of my husband , but of many co-workers ,  friends ,  relatives. 

I lost a very good friend to covid. I lost most of my uncles and aunts , grandparents , parents in the last 10 years. I am an only child so no siblings to share all this with.

I am struggling with all this loss. I have my faith to help me because I am a Christian and believe in an afterlife. I believe I will see my loved ones again someday. The hardest one of these losses was my husband , Steve. He was my best friend and confidant. We could talk about anything and we were very supportive to one another. The void I feel after losing him is huge. Becoming a widow is gut-wrenching because you are still in love with your person. I feel lost and adrift without him. It has been a little over two years however that second year was harder than the first. That first year you are kind of numb and in shock and there are so many details to take care of. You are busy with funeral arrangements , paperwork ,lawyers , life insurance etc...The second year people don't check on you as much, the phone stops ringing.

They expect you to be" moving past it."   It does not work like that. I think the second year is when the reality hits home that this is real. This is your new normal and you have got to figure all this out for yourself. I adopted a puppy from our local shelter last year and that has helped me a lot. Training her and just holding her has helped me. She is a very sweet natured and cute dog and taking care of her is good for me.

This was her as a puppy when I adopted her.